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Adrian to Brian, Brian to Adrian
Chapter 5
Two weeks later:
A,
Guess who just hired on as an intern in our art department?
B
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B,
Oh, Brian. No. Not good.
A
B,
Brian, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Your life. Your
choices. Be careful.
A
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A,
Nothing to worry about. Learned my lesson. Not going there.
B
Two weeks later.
A,
Revision to last email. Went there.
But listen to this, Adrian. I'm happy. I'm really happy. We
understand each other, we've both grown up a lot. We're having
fun. The sex is great. I haven't felt this good since he left
me. It'll be okay this time. I really believe that. I know
I've probably poisoned you against Justin with my crybaby soul
searching but you need to know he really is a good guy. I
haven't told you this, but when we were apart, he helped me
out of a thorny family situation involving my psycho nephew.
He has a good heart. He's just so... young.
B
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B,
Okay, Brian. Great.
A
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Three months later.
A,
Are you ignoring me? I've sent you
emails and I get nothing back. Are you merging again? On the
home front, I got fired. Worked against Stockwell. Justin was
an urban guerilla, designing and pasting up these
anti-Stockwell posters. I guess you could say he made me see
the light. Or maybe it was the closing of the backroom at
Babylon that did it. Either way, Stockwell and Vance came over
to my loft unexpectedly and caught me boning "the intern". The
posters were scattered all over the place. That's it for old
Brian. And Justin got suspended from PIFA, so I guess we're
both on the street. My one driving desire now is to work to
defeat that Nazi. That, and finding out exactly who is behind
the death and cover up of Dumpster Boy. Please respond,
Adrian. I miss you. I know you think I was wrong to take
Justin back (again) and you're probably right, but please
respond and understand that I love him. That makes you do
things you never thought yourself capable of doing.
B
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B,
Have you told him how you feel?
A
**********************************
A,
No, not yet.
B
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B,
So what happens now? With your job, I mean.
A
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A,
I'm not even sure. I'm scared. I haven't been unemployed since I
graduated and so far my resumes aren't exactly lighting up the
sky. I think word is out. Deb came over with one of her
flatulence-in-a-pan casseroles and we smoked dope and talked
about shit and then she told me I'm a good man. It was just
what I needed to hear at this point in time. No matter what
else happens, at least I have a family. Sort of. One I
created, I guess. Not the one I was born into. This should be
an interesting phase of my life. I consider you part of that
family, Adrian. The rich, foreign part. And before you ask, as
I know you will, the answer is no. I don't want your help
getting a job, I don't want you to put a word in for me and I
don't need to borrow any money. But thanks.
B
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B,
You'll find something. Are you limiting yourself to Pittsburgh? If
so, why? You've always wanted to go to New York, you almost
made it once before, you tell me. Why not use this as your
chance to make a big move? You're really too good to be
regional. And no, this isn't a ploy to come between Justin and
you. After all, he can paint as well in New York as he can in
Pittsburgh and he seems to have no qualms about living off of
you. Okay, that was cheap. Sorry. But you know what I mean. He
can work there, too. Sometimes you remind me of that pathetic
guy in that Christmas movie, who never lives out his dream,
who remains stuck in his home town, while helping others
achieve their desires. Don't do that, Brian. Grab what you
want. You're not getting any younger.
A
**********************************
A,
Thanks a lot for the reminder about my age. I don't get enough of
those little jabs from Justin, so it's nice to hear them from
you, too. Dark sarcasm. Well, curiouser and curiouser, says
the White Rabbit, or whomever said that. I put up my own
dwindling fortune for the television time to advertise against
Stockwell. No job, no money, credit cards maxed out, feeling a
little raw, but really good, too. Because we beat the son of a
bitch! We got Liberty Avenue back for the queers! Justin and I
worked together on this and it was great. We make quite a
team. Looks like Stockwell is going down and not in a good
way. He was involved in the cover up of the murder of Dumpster
Boy in order to protect his former partner (not the romantic
kind) who killed the poor kid and has now killed himself. As
for Justin, we're getting along really well. He's standing by
me. Even broke. This is the best we've ever gotten along. I
loaned Mikey my Vette so he can run away with his putative
adopted child, former hustler, and my biggest fan. I'll
probably never see any of same again. How are you? Happy
birthday, by the way. Are you forty yet? LOL!
B
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B,
No, I'm not forty yet, you wanker! Have you decided what you'll
do? I have some ideas. And they don't involve any of your
prohibitions. Nice try avoiding my questions about New York.
What are you afraid of, Brian?
A
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A,
I'm not afraid. I did apply in New York, and other places but it's
not that easy to get on, especially if you're over thirty.
They want boy wonders and I'm past that stage now. But there
is some news on the job front. Believe it or not, the faggots
came through and repaid me a large portion of my out of
pocket. So I've decided to open my own agency. There's this
old bathhouse that's been closed for awhile, and I think it
could be picked up cheap and converted into some very
interesting offices. Justin came up with the name. Kinnetik.
Vance tried to hire me back after Stockwell fell, but I'd have
to sign a non-compete agreement that would prevent me from
ever soliciting the same clients I brought in to the company,
and that's bullshit. Besides which, I don't trust the guy. I
think I'm going to go it alone. What do you think?
B
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B,
I like the name very much. You're brave, Brian. I have great
faith in your ability to make this work for you. You were
always the true talent in those firms where you laboured. May
as well be your own boss. Let me know if you need venture
capital. I'll throw some work your way, too.
A
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A,
Please don't. I don't want to deny work, but I don't want that
generosity overhanging our friendship, do you? And I can get
financing without tapping friends. Thanks, but no thanks.
Let's not go there.
B
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Two months later:
B,
Happy birthday, beautiful Brian.
A
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A,
Thanks. You okay? Been busy here, building the business. Sad news, Vic
died. He was Deb's younger brother, a nice old queen who's
been battling AIDS for a long time. But it was his heart that
got him. We're all pretty blue about it. Deb, however, slapped
me in the face when I suggested Vic got many more years than
he thought he'd have, since he's struggled so long with HIV
disease. After living through an abusive father and thinking
of Deb as my safe harbor, that hurt a lot more than just a
slap. Maybe I was tactless, but I truly believe Vic would feel
that way. I meant him no disrespect. Feel lost.
B
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B,
Sorry about your friend, Vic. You should cut Deb some slack, Brian.
I'm sure she regrets it and that she was running on raw
emotion. I know exactly what you meant when you said that.
What's this I'm hearing about the making of a Rage movie? Is
that Michael and Justin's Rage? It must be. How many gay
superheroes named Rage can there be?
A
**********************************
A,
Yeah, that's their Rage. Amazing, isn't it? Justin is really hyped
and so is Mikey. I'm happy for them, but suspicious. I don't
trust those Hollywood types. But if it happens, great.
Speaking of Hollywood types, I saw the gossip rags picturing
you at some premiere of a movie with the "hot, young, out
actor" starring in it. Is this serious?
B
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B,
I wouldn't say "serious". Premature. We've been having a few
laughs together. He'd cringe at your "Hollywood" moniker since
he's a Brit based in London with pretensions of going from
romantic comedy, his current genre, to "serious theatre". I
seriously will not be holding my breath awaiting that
development. He is lovely, though. Seriously lovely.
A
Two months later:
B,
You're terribly quiet. What's happening on that side of the pond? How is your business
going? How goes the romance? How's Gus? Bored. Talk to me.
A
**********************************
A,
I was tricking with a doctor. After the big moment, he informs
me that I have a lump in my left testicle. As it happens, he
was right. I did. Testicular cancer. I told everyone I was
going to Ibiza on business and pleasure, but in fact I went
into the hospital and had my ball removed. Not the best way to
spend some time off. But it gets better! I get home from the
hospital and lie to Justin about the trip, only to find out
Mikey has told him the truth, even though I asked him not to
tell him. Justin and I got into it and I kicked him out. I
don't want him hanging around feeling sorry for me. I don't
want him hanging around watching me die. I get these
treatments for the cancer, but the good news is my hair hasn't
fallen out. The bad news is, I'm puking my guts up and I'm so
tired that I can hardly move. The scars aren't very visible,
and they put a silicone ball in the empty sac. The doctors
tell me I can still get hard and shoot like before. I wouldn't
know. Frankly, not interested. Feeling nothing stirring down
below. I'm sterile, now. Big deal. I already have one kid more
than I thought I would have. I'm thin, too. Always wanted to
be thinner. Now I am. They think they got it all. I have no
clue. Right now, I don't care. I don't want to die, but I
don't want to feel like this either. I feel so emasculated.
The one thing I always had over other men was the package. Now
I don't even have that.
B
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B,
I want to come see you.
A
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A,
Absofuckinglutely not. No. Not like this. I won't see you.
B
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Twenty-four hours later:
B,
Please let me come over, Brian. Let me help. Let me be there for you.
A
**********************************
A,
What about your movie star?
B
**********************************
B,
What about him? It's over. I can be there tomorrow.
A
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A,
Justin's back. He won't take 'go away' for an answer. He's feeding me
chicken soup when he isn't pushing me down on the floor.
That's a joke, the pushing part. But he is taking care of me.
I'm determined to lick this thing, and I don't mean that the
way it sounds. Before you say anything, I'm glad he's back.
And thanks for offering to come over. I'll be okay, maybe. I'm
trying.
B
**********************************
B,
Good, Brian. So long as you're being properly looked after. Please
stay in touch. Sending good and healthy karma your way.
Reconciled with movie star. Going to Barcelona for a few
weeks. Will be wired. Stay in touch. I really need to know how
you are. You're constantly on my mind.
A
Continue to Chapter 6
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